This week was extremely tiring. I have been finishing up on whatever has been on my plate at work. Besides that, I had taken up a consulting gig for a friend and that turned out to be much more work than I had first imagined. I had a lightning talk this Friday at JSConf, and I had to complete my Google Summer of Code work as well. This was the first week of GSoC and my mentors seemed to be quite happy with the work that I had done. I didn’t find as much time to work more on it as I had promised on the weekend but I’m sure that I can cover up on it. This week was extraordinarily tiring, but I have done most of my work for the consulting gig, my mentors were happy about the work that I had put in at GSoC, and I did do most of the work that was on my plate at Pipal Academy. I wish I never have a week like this again. It was extremely tiring and full of context switching between different things. I should be more cautious before taking up some work and actually enquire further about it. It was my fault for overcommitting, but I’m happy that I’m coming out on top and that I am in fact completing my work on time with a high standard of quality.

I’ve had trouble understanding burnout before. Because there were times when I was working too much and thought I had burnt out but I didn’t feel it that much. Sometimes, even when I hadn’t worked as much, there would just be a few days when I felt zero motivation to do any work and it wasn’t that I had done too much before. I think it’s not the quantity of work that causes burnout, but the stress or anxiety of not getting your work done on time. I had never before felt this close to burning out and I’m sure I would be if I had to go on with it for another week or more. I like programming and solving problems, but only when I am excited to do it and not because I’m taking money for it.

This is an important realisation for me, and an important consideration before I decide what I do next. I think a break lasting a few months where I do something challenging would be what I need. I’m also considering starting up because that would take me back into this area where I have to do work because I take money, but I’ll learn how to deal with it. It’s weird that I am considering it but I don’t feel comfortable having this weakness which would be problematic for me because I would inevitably get in situations where I am in tight deadlines. At least then it would be for me and I might feel more comfortable doing it.